When I read that 2009 will be the year that email dies I cannot help a “LOOOOL” – you know: that “laugh out loud” acronym we use in instant messages and twits. This “gem” is just one of the many proliferating the Web these days. Sometimes I wonder: what do these so called prophets smoke?

So we are all supposed to move all communication on FaceBook and Twitter. Instead of evolving we should be digressing. Instead of writing intelligent messages we should be going off the point and sending crumbs of thought randomly to a network of “followers.”

Well, the email will not die because Lee Provoost said so. If anything, it will become stronger while Twitter’s success will decline. How much longer will serious people broadcast themselves to complete strangers? And how much longer will the Twitter users tolerate the spam, the never-ending sales pitches, heck, even the Obamas of the network? (Note that since Barack Obama won the Presidential elections, the person who took care of his Twitter account ceased twitting? Bad twitter PR if you ask me!) So here it goes: my list of anti-predictions for 2009 starts with twitter.

Twitter loses feathers…
Twitter’s little blue bird will eat too many blueberries and will succumb due to an upset tummy. The blue whale will appear more often on the horizon, riding the waves and stumbling over a few unsuspecting cruise ships. Twitter will also release a blue mammoth that will make everyone wonder WTF? They’ll call this new blue apparition a “new feature” – it will be pretty clear that in the rush to becoming “mainstream” twitter got greedy and swallowed some bad berries! The flock of marketers nesting at twitter will begin to slowly migrate to other waters – bluer, cooler, deeper. Twitter will lose its feathers by the end of the year.

Flock wins the browsers’ war…
Speaking of flocks… flock will overpower Firefox, becoming the browser of choice for geeks and technophobes alike. Internet Explorer will sweat acid sweat and Microsoft will do what any smart trust would: buy the flock. Right on time, because companies like Dell will sell PCs with flock preinstalled. Phil’s already working on this. Tongue in cheek!

FaceBook becomes FacePoop
FaceBook will lose face because of too many spammy applications that will slowly piss of some of the Scobles of this world. As Kirkpatrick says, the network will continue to surprise, and why not? With so many foolish, mediocre and time wasting applications, it’s a wonder that this network still exists – but we all know that when fools rule, folly is king. So Facebook will indeed surprise us in 2009: it will literally encompass all the futility of the Web. It will pretty much feel like watching the TV show Big Brother: we all know it is profoundly stupid, but somehow we’ll be inapt to change the channel. Is stupidity addicting?

Live Search makes Google sweat
Microsoft will make Google “shake it like he means it.” It will not happen with an online version of Office. MacManus appears to believe that Microsoft will have a stroke of generosity this year.

Well, let’s say that Microsoft will indeed come up with a free online version of Office, but this will only be to make us pay even more for the desktop software. Also, Google Docs is popular, but it is an inferior product. Platforms like let’s say Zoho, are much better, yet no one sweats about them. Will Google bother to improve Google Docs this year? Nah! Why would they? There’s no financial gain from a product thrown at the users from the mercy of the big search giant. Besides, Google will be too busy to infringe brands like Wikia Search (see Google’s Search Wiki – does the name sound familiar? Isn’t the service a mirror of Wikia Search? Common, be true about it!).

Google will also have to fight Microsoft’s Live Search, which, in my web stats, is the second most used browser after Google. Voila. This is why Google will shake baby shake. If Microsoft will do something to Google, that will be in the search field. On no, Live will not “kill” Google, but it will give SEARCH new meanings. Microsoft did acquire Powerset, remember? Something must (and will) come out of this, and it will happen soon.

Who gets Yahoo!?
ReadWriteWeb will buy Yahoo! and MacManus will become even more inaccessible. Who else would be crazy enough to buy Yahoo! and its entire luggage if not RWW? Hallmark?