Leaving a land of dreams leaves an empty place in your heart. A place you have to fill…

A very good friend of mine once said: if the world you desire was not created you have to make your own. I failed to understand his words in the past. Now they are clear: it’s not about make-believe. It’s about fighting for your dreams, believing. Not giving up.

It took time to overcome the pain, the loneliness… The language was not hard to learn, but it lacked a certain melodic flow that makes Romanian so special. I didn’t need it to communicate at work, I just used it when going shopping and in similar situations. I spent my time more with foreigners, exiled as I was, in the Latino community, which was the closest to my heart (and my Latin origins). I spent my time with the Romanian friends and I spent my time online, with you.

When those in exile complain about their hard time adapting to new realities they do it because, no matter how well they live, there’ll always be an empty place in their hearts. And this place is larger then words can tell.

Sure, you live well in your new habitat, you are successful and you do make new friends in your new world. But these new people will never understand your essence. They’ll never be able to capture your heart, because… well, because, unlike you the ones who come here often to read my thoughts and share my dreams, these people in the real world do not read your blog, do not “listen.”

They are there, with their worries and their rush. They are there and some are completely unable to understand why you give a gift (it happened to me to give someone a necklace and get instead of a “thank you” a full list of “whys” and other such questions), why you go every Friday to the same bar, listen to the same music, dance with the same people…

It’s all part of a routine, of a play if you want, where the actor is the exiled person and the spectators didn’t show up to watch the play. You are always alone, and yet…

It’s a paradox to live in a foreign country. It’s a paradox to adapt to a new culture while they force you to give up yours. No, they don’t do it directly. They are subtle… like asking you why you gave a gift. But the thing is… that cannot change who I am. Not anymore. I learned to create my own world. Like my friend once said… I share my dreams, I give my gifts, I create. This is how I face my challenge.

Does it work? Yes, it does. I cannot give you examples from the real world, but I can show you people who shine and make me shine, through they love, warmth and kindness. Isn’t it amazing to see a Pearl in an ocean of incertitude? Do you really need to see her face to know how she smiles? And what do you say to such proof of friendship and love, support, respect and consideration? Thank you Pearl, for being there, when I was down! Thank you for being my friend.

And what can you say about this young Romanian woman who brings my heart home? Thank you, Alina!

So, to make a long story short: I face my challenge, being myself. Believing. Dreaming, hoping and praying. “Please God, make me myrtle and keep me on your altars till the end of time.”

This entry is my second answer to the writing project started by Yvonne Russell at Grow Your Writing Business and Laura Spencer at Writing Thoughts.

UPDATE:

Another tear burns my cheek with blissful joy: an online birthday card from Maryannaville… Thank you, Saboma!

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